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The only time I want to think about me touching you is when I'm smacking you in the face. Mathew: Well, I'm sorry I didn't know you were apparently menstruating(? Maybe I should ask her out on a date, but not tell her who I am, um, and leave it a surprise.

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(Mike rushed to the bathroom as Mathew adjusts his coat) Mike: Is there a back exit to this place? (He walks back out, but find Mathew is gone) Oh, shit better pay for those drinks.

Mathew: So, are we gonna try and get along now or are we just going to keep arguing?

And in the story that follows, one British man is about to find out is that it's always better to look before you click. We cut to Mike J at his computer writing up a description for his internet dating profile. OK, she likes cooking, going out for walks, uh, she likes films. The last one I went to, some people ran up to me and they were desperate for a photo with me.

(The screen goes black as we hear a keyboard clicking as the opening credits roll. (We then hear Mike's voice in a voiceover as it cuts to him on his couch as if he were being interviewed) Mike: Yeah, you know, you might expect somebody in my position to be swarming with girls. I get over 2,000 views a week, which I think is even more than The Nostalgia Critic, so that shows how popular I am, and, uh, I can't go to a convention without people recognizing me. (Cut back to Mike at his computer.) She looks nice.

(Mike blows the candle out) Waiter: Can I take your orders guys?

(The waiter leaves) Mathew: Are you purposely trying to be difficult?

(He is shocked to discover his date is none other than Film Brain himself, Mathew Buck) What's this?

(Cut back to Mike and Mathew) Mike: Well, what about you, M? Mike: What, you couldn't come up with something better than that?

(The narration segment begins with the Webmaster and Thomas eating some food off of paper plates) Webmaster: This tastes like paper. WM: (straightens himself up as the creepy music begins) Speaking of nuts.

(WM is disgusted and hands his plate to Thomas) WM: This is why God invented trans-fats (Eats a donut and is furthur disgusted) What is this? I call them "so-nuts." (WM pukes into his hat) Tasty, isn't it? He starts by typing "Hey, I am handsome, good looking, rich and..." but then changes "rich and" to "attractive." After the title screen, Mike scrolls through some entries that responded to his ad.) Mike: Here we go.

Mathew: No, but put yourself in my shoes for a moment. I'm not the one who brought an entire documentary crew with me.

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