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While they will still lust for the hottest woman around, they’ll ultimately marry someone in their league, which, empirically, is not always that attractive.

Your issue, however, is a little more extreme, and reminds me of a client I had a few years back.

Women, on the whole, are far more discerning than men when it comes to physical attraction.

In the linked Ok Cupid study, women think that 80% of men are BELOW average in attractiveness, when, in a normal distribution, that number should be 50%.

Very attractive woman – a 43-year-old personal trainer who hated online dating for the very reason you mentioned. When we went through the website to take inventory, I asked her to put 40 guys on her favorites list. The only 6 guys she found attractive looked like 32-year-old GQ models whose preferred age range was 22-29.

My client was pretty much out of luck because she found less than 1% of men attractive, including NO men her own age who wanted her in return.

And if it means you have to dial down your attraction from a 10 to a 7, in order to find an emotionally healthy guy, that’s a price well worth paying. But that’s not normal, it’s not healthy, and it will leave you no dating options whenever you do decide to take your love life seriously again.

That may sound awful to you on two counts: 1) you refuse to compromise on chemistry, and 2) you don’t think that a 7 chemistry actually exists.

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Let’s just say that this wasn’t one of my success stories.

And this is where we bump up against one of my limitations of a coach.

I have tried being with people I don’t find attractive – and I usually remain friends with very nice men I have tried to date but didn’t find attractive, and I’m afraid they don’t start growing on me. Have you come across this and do you think the reason I find so many men physically unappealing is because of something psychological? After all of your therapy, you are as self-aware as you can be, and yet it still seems to me that you have some significant blind spots about your problem.

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