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For the “not my fault” narrative to hold, when a man has a long day at work, if he’s tired, or sick, or whatever and doesn’t get turned on, it can’t be his be things he has agency over — things like, his own openness to trying new things, for example, and that’s threatening. Because when fat chicks turn men on (and they do) a man feels like a pervert for himself be attracted to a fat chick.
He feels like he has succumbed to his creepiness, or the “weakness” of his sexuality.
I mean, I think it was a reasonable hypothesis — women feel like shit about how they look because they see hyper-beauty everywhere — but again, I think there’s more to the story than that.
Because, female fetishization of beauty was not as painful to me as male fetishization.
And then I was like, oh yeah — this is that feeling from back when I had boyfriends. Like I am not worthy of being loved because of how I look. I feel almost physically sub-human, as if any man who looks at my naked body without saying something cruel is doing me a kindness. When I was dating women, and when I was not dating, I didn’t really stress out about my appearance.
I haven’t had one in over 5 years, and I kind of assumed that those old weird insecure feelings I used to have were something I just matured out of. Apparently what happened is that I stopped dating dudes. Like, that any man who is with me is only settling because he can’t get what he really wants. Sometimes I looked good, sometimes I looked bad and I feel like I had a fairly objective sense of the whole thing. I was able to see, in an objective sense, that my hair was fine (strangely, better than normal) my skin was fine.For me, I think this was the most telling quote: And, ok, that’s a good explanation for why he doesn’t say “I had a threeway last week,” or “I haven’t had sex in over a year,” but it doesn’t explain why men don’t say “touching her breasts made me really horny.” However, I think that’s covered in to openly talk about how turned on he got. Because society labels men creepy when they are open about their sexual feelings.And, I think because men are too ashamed to claim ownership of their sexual feelings, It’s telling that gay men have body image issues more than lesbians. Usually instead of saying “I am turned on by that woman,” a man will say “that woman is hot.” The first phrasing places the locus of control within his own body (aka, in a way, making it “his fault” if he gets turned on), the second phrasing places the locus of control within the woman’s body (making it “her fault” if he gets turned on.) And, he will be inclined to do the second because him get horny, and zomg she was SO HOT it totally wasn’t his fault.But, I also know basically zero men who haven’t been touched by it to some degree, and if I’m being generous, it likely brings pain to the men who are feeling it than the reflected shame does to me.Motto: Have you ever thought to yourself, I am ugly?This guy I hooked up with mentioned, a few times, how much he likes very petite women.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating